im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
