Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
