You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
