Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
