in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
