my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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