Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
