my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You don't make any sense
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