i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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