I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
