dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
