so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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