So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
