He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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