How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
