dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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