i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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