M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
