I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
