Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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