First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
