Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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