Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
