my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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