U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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