I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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