I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
