Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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