so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
should my penis look like a turkey
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
