after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
