My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
