i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize