Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
