why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He? As in you personified your dick?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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