i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
