I cannot find my penis.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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