Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
