shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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