He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
