I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
