did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
