Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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