i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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