Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
