what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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