you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
