I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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