I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm always down for nudity.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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