Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
