Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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