dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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