I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
