And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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