That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
