the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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