His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
