So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
