Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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