I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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