Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
third nipple confirmed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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