I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize