I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize