After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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