if you like me you must not know who I am
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
