He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
