WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
