Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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