He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
