brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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