So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
