You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
