is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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