wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
two words...techno handjob
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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