Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
