I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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