I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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