We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
