man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
