we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
