I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
