My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Floor bacon is actually really good
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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