Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
