i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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