Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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