I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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